Happily Me: Thoughts on The Happiness Project

I am happily halfway through reading The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, who we are thrilled is coming to speak at IGC in February!

The Happiness Project is an account of the year that Gretchen spent test driving different theories of happiness in order to be more appreciative of the great life she already had. I love the premise of the book and can relate to the structured, pragmatic, and goal-oriented way that she approaches her own happiness.

I also love that she created this quest during a time of happiness rather than, like so many others, after a personal disaster or loss. Perhaps it is because I have had so many chaotic and challenging times in my past, but I love the romance of the everyday so it really works for me that this book focuses on happiness of the everyday variety, not the ‘what is my purpose on earth’ kind.

I consider myself a very happy and content person, and if given the choice I would change anything significant in my life. Although, like Gretchen, I agree it would be great to be more appreciative on a daily basis. There are little moments where I find myself disproportionately frustrated or annoyed, or that I find I don’t remember really wonderful things as frequently as I should, or that I continue habits that are unhappy and unhelpful (i.e. checking the Blackberry at night).

So I have really been taking Gretchen’s wisdom and experiences to heart. Last night I was reading about the month that Gretchen dedicated to focusing on having more fun. It was interesting because some of what Gretchen resolved to do was expand her horizons and try new things, yet at the same time she was also trying to be true to one of the resolutions that she developed at the start of the year: Be Gretchen. Obviously sometimes these things were in tension. Trying new things can be difficult when you are also being mindful and honest about what you do and don’t like to do.

Anyway, a good part of the chapter focused on owning who you are and living in accordance with it. Many of Gretchen’s blog readers had written into her blog sharing their challenges coming to terms with who they really are, what they really like, and what they really don’t like. Sometimes it takes a while to realize that no, you really don’t like staying up late or reading certain things, or doing certain jobs. No matter how hard you’ve tried to convince yourself.

What I ended up thinking was something different though. During my growing up journey I certainly had some (sometimes surprising) realizations about who “Adelaide” really was. But long after acknowledging and accepting certain facts, I have found that the resistance is a lot less internal and a lot more external.

I have the experience of telling people that I am not that social, don’t enjoy cocktail parties, and can be quite awkward in conversation, only to have them tell me not to be silly and that of course I’m not that way. Maybe they are trying to make me feel better and are secretly thinking ‘you’re not kidding!’ or maybe they just don’t or don’t want to see me that way. Or I will tell people that I hate to exercise and they will say “but you are an active person”. I don’t want to argue but by most definitions, probably not.

I’m not sure why I get push back on some things or whether other people experience it as well. Sometimes this resistance from others gives me pause and makes me wonder whether my self-perception is off. But I’m now thinking about it differently. Other people don’t have to believe me, but I have to believe me. I realize that it not just about self-confidence and honesty, it is an important part of my happiness. Sharing a preference or limitation with others protects that happiness. Saying no to things you don’t like and making informed choices also protects that happiness.

One of the many big takeways from The Happiness Project for me:

Less of what you don’t like. More of what you do. Be Adelaide.

posted by Adelaide Lancaster
image courtesy of Kimberly Creagan

Listening: Part 1 - Live Music

(I have been thinking a lot lately about the whole concept of listening. I will be writing 3 posts on different aspects of listening in the next few weeks.)

Part 1. Live Music

Part 2. Content vs. context

Part 3. Feedback from clients

LIVE MUSIC

Sunday night I went to see live music at GlobalFest.

There were 12 different artists performing and they were amazing. I instantly remembered why I love hearing live music.

First of all, it is so much fun. You have an opportunity to connect with the artist and see them in action. There is so much energy in the room. Music is incredibly transcending. And one cannot help to marvel at how music brings people together. There is something primal about our reaction and interaction with music.

I was enjoying the whole experience and started thinking about how these artists do something they love and put themselves out there. They have a captive audience listening to their music.

But it was clear to me that the artists were listening to the audience. The reactions were feeding them, encouraging them to keep on playing, creating and interacting with the audience. They tempo and beats were pumping as the crowd was dancing and jumping. Everyone was having fun.

On the way home I was thinking about how listening is incredibly interactive (or should be?!?). In our businesses, we are each trying to reach a targeted and captive audience that will listen to our message. We want them to hear us.

But we also need to remember to listen to our clients, our ‘could be’ or ‘would be’ clients. What do we really hear from our existing clients? Do we really listen to those that do not become our clients? Even if the message is painful, do we get the message?

An exercise that I am going to work on is to make sure that I am listening and hearing, really paying attention to the message.

And of course, continue to see live music!

Check out the band - Meta and the Cornerstones and the interview on NPR where I discovered GlobalFest.

posted by Amy Abrams

Don’t be Mission Impossible: recognize the limits and purpose of your mission

I was recently speaking with someone who was quite upset about a customer who didn’t seem to “get” or her business mission with same amount of fervor as my colleague would have liked. It seems that my colleague’s customer was supportive of the mission but was also very focused on the benefits of the service being offered. Pretty fair, I think.

Anyhow, it got me thinking….

Are customers who don’t “get” your mission really bad customers?

In the case of for-profit enterprises should mission really be a stumbling block?

Is it a good idea to base your outcomes on your mission alone? Or does that in fact, limit important customer diversity and short change the success of your services and products?

I realize there may be some differing opinions about this, but some guidelines I believe to be true (at least in the case of for-profit businesses - I realize that non-profits have a different relationship with mission):

1. Don’t expect your customers to do something because it is important to you. If you want to motivate specific action then either make it important to them too or align your needs with theirs.

2. You can’t mandate your mission. Sometimes people won’t get it or won’t care. We can’t expect customer to appreciate every bright shiny feature of what we offer, and that certainly includes our mission.

3. Similarly, you can’t dictate the customer experience. Some really great clients will only enjoy 15% of what you have to offer while others may have motivations or outcomes that are different from what you expect or anticipate. It is unfair to expect each client to be 100% in and an all-out evangelist.

4. Don’t expect your mission to drive the sale. Sure, sometimes customers might choose one service over another due to mission and some customers may be enthusiastic supporters of your mission, but don’t forget that ultimately you are selling a product or a service

Instead…

1. Use your mission as strategic guidepost. It should help you determine the best direction for you and the company and serve as a litmus test for various business decisions. When presented with a new choice, ask yourself “is this on mission?”

2. Recognize that your mission is for YOU. It may also appeal to your customers but it is not their primary focus and it is not really created or articulated for them.

3. Embrace customer diversity. Each client will have differing motivations, experiences, needs, and outcomes and that is GREAT! see what you can learn from them. Also, diversification often cultivates more security and stability.

4. Leverage your mission as a way to enhance your business and add meaning and purpose for YOU. Strengthen the significance of your business by giving it a strong mission that you believe in and are willing to ferociously pursue.

5. Remember that your mission doesn’t need to be charitable. There are thousands of innovative, admirable, and social responsible purposes who don’t have charitable missions. Your mission could be qualitative or quantitative, but it should define WHAT you want to achieve and be:

Motivating

Clearly articulated

Attainable (meaning it can be ticked off a list)

Long-term

I feel proud to work with so many mission focused businesses and I personally believe that they have tremendous strategic importance. But it is worth reminding yourself about their limits and purpose. They aren’t the sum of the business.

posted by Adelaide Lancaster

Vulnerability and the Art of Procrastination

While attending the kick off meeting of the IGC accountability group (aka keeping on track) I got to thinking about the relationship of procrastination to vulnerability.

Jill Stern of Say It with Vases raised the question of why we procrastinate. Several members chimed in and responded that we like to do what we are good at, what we enjoy, what brings us the feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment. And we procrastinate doing things that we don't enjoy, that feel menial or that bore us.

Dig a little deeper and we all thought about current things that we are procrastinating and all admitted that they were things that we actually were afraid we may not be good at. And this fear reflected a deeper feeling of vulnerability - how we feel about ourselves. Maybe we weren't capable, maybe we couldn't do a good enough job, maybe we would fail if we tried so better expend our energy (and anxiety) avoiding the task at hand.

But then the eternal optimist in me shouted out that our anticipation is always worse than the action. And that we would not be running our own businesses at this point if we had allowed fears of feeling vulnerable get in our way. And if we actually hold up the mirror to ourselves and are less than pleased with the reflection, we have that much more of a chance to make a change, grow and build a better business - which is ultimately a reflection of ourselves.

posted by Amy Abrams

image courtesy of mindhacks

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

So I have officially started my “no shopping experiment” and I am finding it is a lot like experiencing a break up. Which of course has got me thinking how this is really relevant to running your own business but I will get back to that connection in a minute.

Why is it like a break up? First, I spent a few hours online cleaning out my inbox of past emails from stores or email lists and creating rules for all of the emails I receive that are related to shopping (arrive into folder called NO-SHOPPING EXPERIMENT – to be reviewed after April 8th). So there’s the purging exercise of anything related to shopping and when you break up, you often eliminate any traces of your ex (or put them in a box if you are old school or delete their face book profile if you are a citizen of any generation starting after x).

Another similarity are those montage moments that play in your head as the day goes on – seeing the two of you happy together, laughing over dinner, or in my case, finding a pair of shoes that upon laying my eyes on them, I can certainly not live without. Or the fleeting moments where you wonder what your ex is up to, how that individual must be missing you or in my case, thinking about all of the sales I am missing and wondering how stores will survive without me shopping there.

And finally, I am finding other hobbies to pursue – giving out fashion advice to friends (not a new habit but a way to stay connected) and baking. See above picture of attached delicious salted caramel cookies baked last night (recipe here). After a break up, we often find a new way to spend all of our newly discovered time – insert yours here (running, reading, working, etc).

Which leads me to the connection of running your own business and how a deliberate change in your behavior can alter how you think about and run your business. For example, you can see how much email you allow as a distraction. You can rethink the “I never have enough time in the day” statement and really own it that you may not spend your time wisely. And you may also find that your behavior contributes to your business – perhaps it makes you a more creative thinker, perhaps it allows you to really focus when you need to and unwind easily.

We are more than just our businesses, that’s for sure. But sometimes it is easy to blend the two, to see the business as more than just an extension of you. Perhaps there is a behavior that you want to experiment with and see how it affects your business.

Try it!

Amy’s New Year No-Shopping Experiment!

I have decided to conduct an experiment - a New Year's No-Shopping Experiment, which involves not buying anything new for myself from January 1st - April 8th (my birthday).

That means: no clothes, shoes or jewelry. I know, I know… there are some who might question this, asking: “what's the big deal?” or reminding me that there are people who rarely get to buy themselves something new.

But for me, it is a big deal. We live in a consumer culture and material goods and the lure of shopping is everywhere. Living in NYC and walking anywhere is like placing yourself in a mall in other parts of the country. Beyond living in THE greatest shopping city in the world, there is the onslaught of catalogues that come in the mail and the more frequent emails announcing that the new season's collection or the sale of the season has arrived.

Oh, and did I mention that I LOVE fashion. And that I think shopping is fun! I am the type of person who can travel anywhere in the world and it's as if I have a sixth sense about finding all the great areas to shop. And I don't discriminate - I will shop in the cities trendiest area and also rummage through the local artists and flea markets. It's the thrill of the find. What will I find that I feel I cannot live without? But that is precisely what stated my thinking about this experiment.

Last week I received the email that makes my heart flutter - the bi-annual Diane Von Furstenberg Sample Sale! As I waited in line for 45 minutes I saw women coming out with large overstuffed packages. And as they let me through the doors I was anticipating a wrap dress that had my name on it. But after looking through the racks, being pushed and shoved by other shoppers who were in a frenzy to find their "I can't live without this DVF find" and leaving empty handed, I thought to myself, "what a colossal waste of time."

As the day went on, I realized that I really didn't need anything new in my closet as I had spent the past two years since my second child was born thoughtfully re-building my wardrobe. Yes, while I am always able to find something new and adorable that would be great and fun - needing it is never really the question.

And so I wondered, how much time would I discover if I cut shopping out of the picture for a dedicated amount of time. What would I do with that time? Would I miss shopping? Would I see the hobby of shopping in a new light? Would I become more creative with my clothes? Would I discover the clothes that I really love and wear vs. the ones I like the idea wearing? All of these questions have intrigued me - most pronounced is the question of time. How much more time would I have and what will I do with it?

Stay tuned....

posted by Amy Abrams

image courtesy of http://www.fashiontribes.typepad.com/

Name Calling: You Say Potato; I Say Entrepreneur

(image courtesy of pretty little studio)



We built our business to meet the needs of women entrepreneurs. Our content and programs focuses on helping these women learn the business of running a business and how to think like entrepreneurs.

But we face a consistently big challenge in doing this. “Entrepreneur” is not how many independently-employed women see, label, or refer to themselves.

What do they call themselves instead? Self-employed, freelancer, consultant, designer, practitioner, writer, coach…you get the idea.

It’s not that these other labels are untrue; they just don’t tell the full picture.
If you have chosen to go out on your own and you work for yourself and have strategic control over your venture then you are an ENTREPRENEUR. (Congrats, by the way…)

And it’s not just that these other titles sell you short, they misrepresent the job of the entrepreneur to the entrepreneur.

If you are an entrepreneur but continue to think of yourself “just as a consultant”, you may:

* neglect to focus on all the really critical strategic elements of entrepreneurship

* fail to learn from other businesses outside of your industry that use other labels to describe their work

* miss opportunities to engage with other entrepreneurs and business owners and learn great business building skills, techniques, and technologies

* miss out on innovative business trends and ideas that will keep you current and continue to reshape your business as time progresses

I recognize that it is not always the easiest label to accept! Especially when you have just gotten started, especially when you are small, especially when you feel so different from the models of entrepreneurship that are frequently cited in business publications. It is easy to feel like a fraud or to suffer from the business owner’s imposter complex.

But it is important! Not just for the health and well-being of your own venture but also for the rest of women entrepreneurs. The more we hide behind these other labels and neglect to also call ourselves entrepreneurs, the more invisible we are as a group and the less we are able to learn from each other. The more invisible and fragmented we are, the more we have to reinvent the wheel and the harder it is for us to attain the success we desire.

Tell us about your relationship with the word entrepreneur. Do you use it? Since when or why not?

Happy in 2010! Resolutions, Focus, Tips, and Best Practices

(image from Farouche on etsy.com)

I recently signed up to participate in Gretchen Rubin’s Happiness Project for 2010. The Happiness Project was the impetus for Gretchen’s new book coming out on Dec 29.

The book is an account of the year she spent test-driving studies and theories about how to be happier.

I’m all about best practices and love learning about studies so I know always knew the book would be for me. (I can’t wait to learn what is considered hogwash and what actually works!)

But right now I am also intrigued by resolutions and process. I know, the time of year is good for it, but I am also motivated by my experience from this last year.

For the first time, I made good resolutions! I had resolved to improve my grammar and to improve my posture. Is either perfect? Nope. But they’re better. And what’s more, it wasn’t a guilt-ridden, ‘set yourself up for failure experience. Instead, I simply focus on two concrete things I wanted to improve and took several steps to do so.

So for this next year, in addition to continuing my grammar and posture initiatives I would like to improve my blackberry boundaries. Specifically, I would like to insulate myself from my blackberry during certain hours. Right now, even if I know I won’t respond to any emails I see, I can find myself deliberately and absent-mindedly checking my blackberry at stupid times during the evening right up until I go to bed. The problem is that whatever emails are awaiting me kick my mind into gear and prevent me from truly relaxing, focusing on something else, or turning off work for a while. I would like to improve this by focus on it more and being more aware of my desired outcome and behavior.

I’m joining the happiness project because I think it will be a nice accompaniment to the book and also because I would like Gretchen’s help spotlighting other areas of my life to I can focus on them as well. I find the positive tone of Gretchen’s tips and writing to be appealing and I also appreciate that she her advice is of the “meet you were you are” type style. No one needs to start the year by heaping expectations and pressure on to their self.

So more about the project process:
Starting each month in 2010, Gretchen will propose an area of life to tackle, and once a week, over the next four weeks, she’ll suggest concrete, manageable resolutions to help you boost your happiness – and remind you to stick with them. She’s also going to do a series of short videos on the proposed resolutions and why they matter. Want to join us?

Right now she has the following topics slated:
January--Body
February--Love
March--Work
April--Money
May--Mindfulness
June--Order
July--Spirit
August--Fun
September--Parenthood
October--Friends
November--Attitude
December--Boot Camp Perfect

(This monthly focus reminds me of the awesome Give It Up! My Year of Learning to Live Better with Less by Mary Carlomagno)

I’m happy to share how it is going throughout the year! In the meantime, I’m excited for the book. And I'd love to know what you are resolving for the New Year! Tell us.

Taking Stock, Giving Thanks

(card by Linda & Harriet)


With Thanksgiving behind us and the holidays rapidly approaching, I always find myself reflecting on the past year and thinking about the year ahead. This year, I have been giving a lot of thought to the idea of gratitude, being gracious and giving thanks. All interconnected ideas, of course.

When I think about the business we have created and the work that I do, I feel incredible grateful that I get to interact and surround myself with so many dynamic, smart and sophisticated women. Our community is one that I constantly learn from. Lessons learned have involved how to shape our business, how to conduct business and even choices about parenting and my overall lifestyle.

My work is filled with opportunities to be inspired by women who believe in themselves and their business. While they may feel discouraged at moments and experience growing pains in their business, they always plow forward and continue to pave the road ahead. And the fact that they come to IGC to be a part of a community where they can learn, share and grow with other like minded business owners is something not to be taken lightly. I feel incredibly grateful for our community.

On a personal level, as the mother of two daughters, I feel proud to be a part of a business where my daughters can be inspired by so many remarkable women. I love demonstrating the idea that having your own business is an equally accessible career path as being a teacher or a nurse may have been for women in the past.

And on a professional level, I feel incredibly grateful to have a business partner who helps me be a better business owner and entrepreneur. Together we get the thrilling opportunity to tap our creativity, take chances, innovate and celebrate success.

These are the things that I am grateful for and give thanks. And for the coming year, I look forward to honing my gratitude skills throughout the year, as opposed to just the end of the year!

While I know as business owners, we are always trying to improve our business, land our next client or finally cross of everything on our to-do list. Sometimes it is great to just take a moment to realize how lucky we are, how much we appreciate those we work with (in the form of colleagues, clients and supporters) and how grateful we are to be able to get to create work that works for us.

posted by Amy Abrams

Women Business Owners Contribute a Total Economic Impact of $3 Trillion! And the Only Ones Getting Sold Short Are the Women.

(glass piggy banks by Roost from Velocity Art & Design)
(article in full posted on Huffington Post 12/1 - Adelaide Lancaster)

Apparently the independence we women entrepreneurs seek is coming at a big price. The benefits of entrepreneurship are driving more women than ever into self-employment, yet the financial rewards necessary to make this trend stick, still elude most of us.

In October the Center for Women's Business Research published the first ever study on the economic impact of women business owners in the US.

The following data were rightly heralded by many media outlets as a great triumph:

* There are approximately 8 million women-owned businesses nationwide

* Women-owned businesses employ 23 million workers (16% of total US jobs)

* Women business owners account for approximately $3 trillion dollars of total economic impact

Pretty impressive stuff.

As someone who strongly believes that entrepreneurship is an important economic and employment vehicle for both women and the US, I am thrilled to see the growing national economic contribution by women-owned businesses confirmed. Understandably then I was disturbed by one underreported statistic.

According to the study, 87.5% of all women-owned businesses are without employees - perhaps a dramatic majority, but not necessarily a problematic one. Let's not forget that flexibility is the third most motivating startup factor for women business owners, according to a 2006 MasterCard survey, and many such women feel that the responsibility of managing employees would impinge upon that.

What is disturbing upon further examination of these statistics, however, is that the projected average annual revenue of these non-employee firms is $27,000, compared to the average annual revenue for firms with employees of $910,000. This means that 87.5% of women owned businesses are only making 17% of the revenue.

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