Listen Up! I have something nice to say to you: Listening part 2

I always find it so strange when I am giving someone a compliment and they do one of the following:

1. Try and talk me out of it

2. Argue with me

3. Tell me that "I am just saying that" and insinuating that I don't really mean it

I consider myself to be very genuine, especially when it comes to giving compliments. But the usual response is always so shocking and I find myself repeatedly saying "just say thank you."

There seems to be some type of disconnect when it comes to listening to a compliment. When it comes to your business, customer feedback is a gift - and for many businesses negative and or / constructive feedback is easier to come by / more readily available.

However while the positive feedback and compliments may be less frequent they require just as much attention.

Why?

Well, first of all, it is an opportunity to take a minute and give yourself a pat on the back. As entrepreneurs, we are frequently working on the next project, focusing on the next step or crossing off things on our to-do list. So, since it is hard to do build in on your own, use compliments as a welcome opportunity to pause and appreciation your work.

Second, it is a valuable chance to really LISTEN to what aspect of your business/you that your customers are recognizing, celebrating and reporting back to you. They are telling you, from their perspective what distinguishes you and your business from the competition.

From that information you can evaluate if that compliment is something you have set out to be recognized for and is therefore an achievement of your goals, or perhaps it is a by-product of your efforts and something you should utilize as a marketing opportunity or showcase as a business differentiator.

In either case, the next time someone gives you a compliment, try to look them in the eye, smile and say thanks!

posted by Amy Abrams
image courtesy of faithlovedesign

Relationship Roots: The importance of going back to the beginning

We have been reading Esther Perel’s new book, Mating in Captivity, partly in preparation for her visit in April.

It is phenomenal. Really very interesting. Esther’s voice and perspective is not only warm but also refreshing and reasoned. Her skill as both therapist and writer is clear. She articulately retells stories of her clients, weaving in relevant psychological themes, historical and multi-cultural perspectives, and modern day relationship realities.

What I was also struck by was a few strong parallels to our business consulting work. One parallel was the effectiveness of “going back to the beginning”.

Esther shares how she frequently will have new clients recount how they met each other.

She writes:
“People don’t usually come to me when they are still in the initial thrall of love. Sometimes they need a gentle reminder of what once was. It can be difficult for estranged or distressed couples to focus on what drew them together, but within every couple’s ‘creation myth’ lies the key to understanding the unfolding story of their relationship.”

This reminds me a lot of those entrepreneurs who get hijacked by their business. We often work with women who struck out on their own with zeal and enthusiasm. The reasons for being the boss were clear and the benefits of entrepreneurship were plentiful.

Fast forward a few years later, these same women feel imprisoned by a business that they no longer like. They are subject to a work system that no longer meets their needs or works for them.

Maybe they are working way too much. Maybe they are doing tasks that they don’t like. Maybe they aren’t nearly making enough money. Maybe every modicum of flexibility or balance has been gobbled by their business. Maybe they are just tired and uninspired. In every case, they are off track.

In order to getting better understanding of the situation we, like Esther, ask them to tell us about the beginning. Why did they start? What did they want and hope for at the beginning? What did they feel? What did they love about their new role and venture? And perhaps, what was uncomfortable about it?

The story that is told always feels leagues away from the current and unhappy reality. It helps us to see the entrepreneur in a different, more revitalized light. It helps them to reconnect with their original intentions and motivations. And most importantly it provides the clues for why the present state is so unsatisfying.

In both cases, personal relationships and professional ventures, it is helpful to find concrete ways of hanging on to some of those beginning feelings. They should be readily accessible and frequently reminded. It is too easy to let years of data and experience and disappointment and misunderstanding file on top of those founding thoughts and feelings, obscuring them and leaving them buried under an unfavorable history.

So, while you’re thinking of it, why did you get started?

What were your original hopes, motivations, and intentions?

What did you want to achieve with your business? Has that changed over time? Have you allowed your business to change with it?

posted by Adelaide Lancaster

Kindle Compromise: A new relationship that comes with its own pros and cons

I was thrilled to receive a Kindle for Christmas and I have been proudly showing it to everyone I know. Beside being just excited about my new gadget, I have been using it a ton. However, I’m finding that my relationship with my new e-reader has been more nuanced than I imagined. I probably shouldn’t be so surprised…after all I have cultivated a 30 year relationship with the paper book. Surely it is fair to have a few nostalgic hang-ups.

So after 6 weeks of use…here is my Pro/Con list. To be fair the Cons are NOT really a drawback of the Kindle per se…just e-readers in general.

(Pros) Things I love about my Kindle:

· As a commuter I love that it is light and thin.

· I love being able to easily carry multiple books with me at once. Also, since I am trying hard to drastically pair down my belongings at home, I appreciate not feeling guilty about acquiring more books that I will someday probably soon have to agonize about getting rid of…it has already been like Sophie’s Choice.

· I love that the newly-released books that I am buying are cheaper than the paper versions (for now)

· I love that it has a built in dictionary. My vocabulary (and joke) memory are about 3 seconds long, so it is nice to easily be able to look up the same word multiple times

· I love that you can electronically underline sections and store them together…all in one place

· I love the screen and how clean, crisp, and easy it is to read it is.

· It is easy to read in bed or laying down and doesn’t require the awkward flipping back and forth that traditional books do.

· Of course, it is amazing to instantaneously have the book that you want!

(Cons) E-Reader Challenges:

· I hate that I can’t lend books to anyone, not even to someone with a Kindle. My husband and business partner have both had to purchase books that I have recommended because I can’t lend my copy to them.

· My battery had died on the train, trapping all the 4 interesting books that I wanted to read inside.

· Which brings me to the fact that you have to remember to charge it.

· Not all books are available via the Kindle, which is ok, but it makes me less inclined to buy it. It is tough to navigate two systems of books and I was ready to take the full digital plunge.

· After a long day of computer work and an acute case of electronic fatigue I am often hesitant to pick up my Kindle and I instead long for good old paper. Although once I do start reading, I am always fine on account of the lovely screen and eye-pleasing screen that I mentioned above.

· The back of the Kindle is cold on bare legs! Bad for reading in bed, the beach/pool, and in the summer time.

· Despite the “progress bar” on the bottom of the screen you just don’t have the same level of satisfaction and accomplishment as you do when you are steadily seeing more pages stack up on the left side.

· If the book is pretty, you don’t get to enjoy the cover.

· I have my first book club meeting next week and my fear is that it will be hard to coordinate with everyone else, since I can’t match up page numbers.

· Speaking of book club…it is really hard to skim a book on a Kindle!!

While I’m certain that the benefits outweigh the costs in this situation and that e-readers will be the future, I neglected to realize that my breakup from traditional paper books may be painful and that it may take a little longer to negotiate my new digital reader relationship. And in the meantime I, of course, have to keep myself from reminiscing about paper books through rose-colored glasses. Each relationship comes with its own baggage, pros & cons, advantages and drawbacks!

posted by Adelaide Lancaster

In Her Words: Selia Yang shares advice and perspective on being an entrepreneur

This is the last installment of our February inFOCUS series! We have spent the last month learning from brilliant designer and entrepreneur, Selia Yang. We've talked about The Decision to "Go Bridal"; The Ingredients of Success; and The Importance of the NO-YES. & We are excitedly ticking down the days to our Soiree on Feb 24th!

For our last piece, we wanted to share with you some of our Q&A with Selia so that you could hear her advice and perspective in her own words!

* Who inspired you along your journey? Did you have any role models?

I feel fortunate. In my path I've had the opportunity in meet so many women from all different walks of life who have inspired me to strive both in terms of my career and in personal growth. My most immediate is my mother, who happens to be a great role model, amazingly intelligent, strong and powerful woman. Despite being an immigrant who barely spoke English, she was successful as a business woman and raised a family. Given my education, ability to speak the language and that I had no one else to take care but myself, it was important for me to become a person she was proud of.

* What advice would you share with other entrepreneurs?

There is an enormous amount of pressure and stress that comes with taking a leap as an entrepreneur. The odds of achieving your aspirations are stacked against you. I knew this and instead of this knowledge working against me, it has allowed me to focus on what matters the most, to enjoy and pay attention to the demands that came every step of the way. It takes courage and strength to follow what's in your heart. It is important to always give yourself a break when things don't go as expected. I would much rather be a failure making an attempt than not striving at all, never knowing what I could have been. You should be proud of yourself just for that.

* Where do you want Selia Yang to go from here?

As a designer and an entrepreneur, of course I would love to see my brand go all the way, to be recognize as one of the top leading fashion designers in America. However, I realize it takes more than ambition and talent to get me there. My company has grown and is at a point where it requires more than my own financial investments to fuel the ultimate goal and thus, I try to not focus too much on where I'm heading....

For now, I'm grateful to have made it this far. There is an honor and a privilege in creating something and in having the ability to sell it because it holds a value. Just last month, one of my gowns was featured in Saks window display and the funny thing is, I was more thrilled with the company of designers along my side than the feature itself…Monique Lhillier, Vera Wang, Oscar de la Renta, Carolina Herrera, Reem Acra.....and me!

A huge thanks to Selia for sharing such amazing insights with us this month. She is truly an inspiration!

Not too together; Not too alone: The best of both working worlds

We have been reading with great interest about the Inc magazine ‘going virtual’ experiment. We even solicited our members to share some advice with them about working virtually or from home. Now, of course, some things are quite different given that each of us here at In Good Company work for ourselves (Inc staffers have to worry more about virtual communication and collaboration; IGCers have to worry more about other business responsibilities like taxes, billing, marketing, sales, etc.), but there are many challenges and factors that are the same or at least similar.

Primarily the similarities reside in the isolation factor: working along all day often in the confines of your own personal space, sans the on-hand tech support of a larger organization, left to your own scheduling devices, and devoid of face-to-face co-worker interaction.

Last week, Inc Magazine enlisted expert Kate Lister (@workfromhomekate) author of Undress for Success, to talk about the pros of telecommuting. It was in reading this that I was really struck by home much I value my hybrid professional experience and my ability have what I consider the best of both worlds.

Kate talks about the vast ways in which our social landscape would change if all the people that could work at home did so. For example,

* Productivity increases up to $200 billion per year!

* Companies would save almost $200 billion as well!

* 150,000 fewer people would die in car accidents each year

* 84 million tons of greenhouse gases would be eliminated.

Those numbers are hard to argue with and I totally agree that these would be good things! Selfishly, I can’t imagine being confined to a traditional office schedule, structure, or environment. I love my flexibility, although I probably end up working more and perhaps making less.

YET…I also think about all these millions of newly-freed employees who may excitedly embracing tele-commuting only to find out that exclusively working from home is not all it is cracked up to be.

We started In Good Company for all those folks who could no longer stand working from home all the time. Who felt lonely and isolated. Who spent too much time reinventing the wheel because they didn’t have colleagues close on hand. Who missed brainstorming in person and the random opportunities that can arise from being in the same right place at the same right time.

I wouldn’t and couldn’t give that up. I know that I am happier and more productive because the ability to both work from home AND from an office, to spend days alone uninterrupted AND in the company of my peers. We designed In Good Company differently and built it on a flexible and shared model because when we did have a private office elsewhere, we found that trekking there only to shut the door and be alone again really didn’t solve our problems. I like having it both ways and think that other should be able to do that too.

I know that tele-commuting doesn’t have to represent one extreme. Kate and others like Cali Yost (@caliyost) write a lot about work life fit and how to give people the choices they want. I offer up myself and our community of women as examples of people who could decide what they want and how and decide to have both.

Maybe after Inc Magazine completes this one month experiment, they could do another where people had the option to both work from home AND from the office. In my opinion it is what I enjoy the most and what works the best.

For the rest of us, is it time you rethought where you work and how you work?

Are you getting the best of both worlds?

posted by Adelaide Lancaster

image courtesy of trulyvera