Listen Up! I have something nice to say to you: Listening part 2

I always find it so strange when I am giving someone a compliment and they do one of the following:

1. Try and talk me out of it

2. Argue with me

3. Tell me that "I am just saying that" and insinuating that I don't really mean it

I consider myself to be very genuine, especially when it comes to giving compliments. But the usual response is always so shocking and I find myself repeatedly saying "just say thank you."

There seems to be some type of disconnect when it comes to listening to a compliment. When it comes to your business, customer feedback is a gift - and for many businesses negative and or / constructive feedback is easier to come by / more readily available.

However while the positive feedback and compliments may be less frequent they require just as much attention.

Why?

Well, first of all, it is an opportunity to take a minute and give yourself a pat on the back. As entrepreneurs, we are frequently working on the next project, focusing on the next step or crossing off things on our to-do list. So, since it is hard to do build in on your own, use compliments as a welcome opportunity to pause and appreciation your work.

Second, it is a valuable chance to really LISTEN to what aspect of your business/you that your customers are recognizing, celebrating and reporting back to you. They are telling you, from their perspective what distinguishes you and your business from the competition.

From that information you can evaluate if that compliment is something you have set out to be recognized for and is therefore an achievement of your goals, or perhaps it is a by-product of your efforts and something you should utilize as a marketing opportunity or showcase as a business differentiator.

In either case, the next time someone gives you a compliment, try to look them in the eye, smile and say thanks!

posted by Amy Abrams
image courtesy of faithlovedesign

The Business Break-up: Conversation Required

There comes a time in many business relationships when it just isn’t working out anymore. Either you no longer want to work with your client or you sense that your client many need a different resource/service/etc. They say breaking is hard to do. Yes, it is uncomfortable and something that you would like to avoid altogether.

Enter email, texting, voicemail. It is amazing to me how people use and abuse these forms of communication especially when it comes to the break up. If you have had a relationship with a client, even a tenuous one, emailing, texting or leaving a voicemail to break up with your client is NOT a professional way to end the business engagement. (The only exception, perhaps, is one that requires legal intervention.)

In any other case, it seems only reasonable and adult-like to either pick up the phone or meet in person– as awkward as it may be. Just like in dating – breaking up via technology is lame.

We admit it is tough to uphold this standard (sometimes a piss off text seems like just what the doctor ordered) and to take the time out to handle things in the best way possible. But, let’s be clear! When breaking up IS a necessary end, it is important to do it right - that is to say professionally and respectfully and with a CONVERSATION.

Let’s discuss all the benefits of a conversation:

1. It demonstrates your respect for the customer & the work you have done together in the past

2. It demonstrates the respect that you have for yourself as a professional and your commitment to handle things as such

3. It may provide an opportunity for feedback (constructive or perhaps otherwise)

4. It may provide an opportunity for you to make referrals (for the client to work with someone else or for the client to refer you to others)

5. It allows for professional closure

Emails and texting are INCREDIBLE means of communication but all “relationship defining conversations” (especially those that end the relationship) should happen voice-to-voice or face-to-face.

It is more important to behave like a mensch for you and your business in the long run.

posted by Amy Abrams

Imitation is the highest form of flattery? Business competition and the role of personal best

(photo courtesy of Julien Lanthier)


I say that I don’t like competition, at least in its traditional sense. I hate keeping score even when playing board games and I am not motivated by the thought of beating others out to win something. I hate watching championship games because I always feel so sad for the team that doesn’t win but that gets stuck in the midst of their opponent’s victory celebration. (Last fall I was the only person in Philadelphia who had sympathy pains for the Tampa Bay Rays when the Phillies won the World Series).

It is an odd perspective given the fact that I was an athlete when I was younger and a very “competitive” swimmer. Many folks I swam with have gone on to be in the Olympics and it was a very important part of my life (until I was sidelined by reconstructive shoulder surgery). However, I think it was swimming’s unique form of competition that influences my business ethics today.

Swimming is primarily an individual sport and one that is focused on achieving your personal best. It was better to come in 3rd and “drop” 1 second off your best time than it was to come in 1st at a slower pace. That is why it was so important to swim with people that were better than you – they made you perform at your best. And when the race was over congratulations were shared in the form of a handshake, high five, or hug.

To this day performing at my personal best is what is important and motivating to me. Maybe that works out because I have such high standards and expectations but it is an orientation that feels honorable and honest. However, it runs contrary to some business advice that you may read or hear. I know others that are fiercely competitive in their marketplace and who indulge business rivals (read this funny Fast Company business frenemy piece) or who subscribe more to an ‘”it’s all fair in love and war” type orientation.

At IGC we talk a lot about the value of collaboration and how it is really important to have a relationship with those who are seeming competitors or who are in the same market place. Why? Well because your business or service is not for everyone, and people will find the best solution that works for them, and sometimes it’s important to have referrals, and you can learn a lot from those who do similar work to you (best practices, industry trends, what to expect). And, most importantly, good competitors improve the marketplace and make you perform better.

We are not oblivious to the potential awkwardness involved in these relationships and certainly don’t advocate giving away the secret sauce, but we genuinely believe that there is a lot to be gained from collegial collaborative relationships. We have written about Competitor Etiquette before.

And it is not just lip service either. We enjoy strong relationships with networks such as Ladies Who Launch and Collective-E and we support lots of other members who also work to educate women entrepreneurs. And we are not the only place in town that offers shared space…there is a whole co-working movement…and there are plenty of respectful ways to maintain a relationship with other providers. Newer establishments have even gone so far as to give us a respectful “heads up” call before they open just to keep us in the know. We have had meetings with lots of other space owners.

So, why do I bring this all up? Well, given that these are my beliefs, I sometimes struggle with the appropriate way to handle behavior that appears deceitful.
(I say appears not because I am nice but because I am smart enough to realize that you never know the whole story)

What do you do when a local business begins to offer a service nearly identical to yours and even uses the same language to explain it? And when you learn that it is a former member who will be “helping” them by doing sales, marketing, and programming?

I am not so bothered by this other business offering shared workspace, as it is unlikely that their members would have used our space and because I believe that what we offer is so important and valuable that I truly do want women to benefit from it (whether we provide it or not).

But it is the member’s involvement that irritates me. If the roles were reversed, I can’t imagine the circumstances in which I wouldn’t find a way to talk to someone like me about my new business involvement.

They say that imitation is the highest form of flattery, perhaps, but sometimes it is just plain rude and offensive.

So, again, what to do? If I were as “brazen” as Penelope Trunk I’d probably just write all about it and the parties involved (don’t get me wrong, although our styles are quite different, I have quite a lot of respect for her…you can see her hold her own in an insulting interview with CNN’s Rick Sanchez).

For me, I think I will call the other business and highlight the similarities in positioning and language. I don’t think it looks well for them to have a carbon copy of our offerings. I will reiterate that I am genuinely glad that they will be providing shared workspace to women that we are unlikely to serve because I think it is a tremendous benefit to those women. Perhaps this conversation will help us to reframe the relationship and we can move forward with a different tone.

And for the former member? I don’t think I will reach out to her. This is not the way that I play business. This is not the kind of competitor that I want to swim with. They won’t help me achieve my personal best and given her apparent ethics I wouldn’t send someone to her offering if they weren’t a good fit for IGC. I know of a business that got started in a similar way (spinning off and creating a competitor business) and I don’t do business with them for the same reason.

And while her behavior was seemingly deceitful, it was definitely short-sighted. Another valuable lesson that I learned from swimming was that each meet was just one of many opportunities to excel and do well. Sure there were always a few very big meets each year, but it was performance over the entire season that really mattered.

I think the most important thing I can do is leverage the learning opportunity. Rearticulate my stance on competition and my own business ethics. Talk with other IGC members about the importance of transparency, trust, and respect. Swim with the right “competitors”. Focus on doing my personal best and performing well far into the future.

Nobody Likes to be Taken by Surprise! How to Respectfully Make Relationships With Seeming Competitors.

It is important for entrepreneurs to continually conduct research and established businesses (often in the same or similar industries) are a treasure trove of useful information and data. However, we unfortunately find that these potentially useful relationships and conversations are often fraught with awkwardness and even deception and frequently result in burned bridges and bruised egos. Aren't these competitors? Why would they talk to me? Why should I talk to them?

Some professionals we know would never dream of engaging with another person in their industry by asking them for information or sharing ideas. And that is fine - everyone has to do what makes them feel comfortable. But we think that there can be a lot to gain from these relationships and would encourage you to reconsider writing them off.

So, how do you establish these relationships or connections comfortably and respectfully?

Good Question - here's what we recommend you can do:

Be Totally Transparent - nobody likes to feel like they’ve been lied to, taken by surprise, or taken advantage of. If you would like information, ask for it and be honest about your goals, plans, and intentions. The clearer you are, the easier it will be for them to determine what they are willing to share.

Understand and Acknowledge Their Hesitation - the person you are asking for information has worked hard to get where they are and may not have made public their own future plans. They may be fearful of giving away some of their secret sauce or of being accused of stealing some of your ideas. Perhaps, unbeknownst to you they are already planning something similar to what you share with them. It can put them in a awkward position to co-mingle nascent ideas with a colleague or potential competitor. Just acknowledging their potential discomfort will help put them at ease, make you seem more trustworthy, and give them a way to comfortable to say no if they want to. Remember, as long as you have been respectful in your request you won’t burn any bridges even if they say no.

Make It Easy For Them to Share - Sometimes people say no just because they are pressed for time or are concerned they may reveal too much when put on the spot. If you sense that is the case, offer to email your questions so they can decide when and how much info they want to share.

Ask For Another Source - If they are unavailable or unwilling to talk, ask if they have a suggestion of a colleague that may be more forthcoming.

When the tables are turned:

There is a lot of business to go around and being honest often provides the opportunity to develop a partnership or acquire information. There is a lot to be gained by collegial conversations and from having your ear to the ground. Determine how much info you are willing to share and under what parameters and stick to it. Don’t be afraid to withhold information and to indicate that you have limits.

Our advice is what goes around, comes around. These potentially awkward and threatening conversations can be respectfully handled and managed with comfortable boundaries. There will certainly be a time when you need info too!